my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Swine flu. Run for my life!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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