She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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