Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They are going to name an STD after you.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
