i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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