She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's rum buckets o'clock
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
