I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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