Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Where is the hickey?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
