all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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