I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
