I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
A+ Viking dick
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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