the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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