omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
