fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
