i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
