You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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