I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
