I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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