Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
