my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
