i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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