dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
