you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
