U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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