I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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