My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
