She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
