listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
