help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
nutella sex= disaster
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
