Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
