Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
