last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
