I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
