You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
