I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
