its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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