why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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