The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have aggressive nipples.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
