I look better un-naked...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
