Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
