as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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