not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
