It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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