my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Randomize