I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
