All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
