Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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