i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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