Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
