You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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