youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
