I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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