last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize