its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
