you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
