You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
