This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
