i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
