Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
