No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
