If that was your dad, he is hot
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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