how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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