you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
