I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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