i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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