Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
