you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I need to calm my uterus...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
its liver damage thursday
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
