watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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