I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
