Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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