there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
