so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
