I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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