i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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