dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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