I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This gyro tastes like lonliness
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
