Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
