that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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