Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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