Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
