Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
