was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
