So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
