There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
