I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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