On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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