I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
