I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize