I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
