i can't believe i had my finger in that
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
