I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
