okay pat passed out under dana's car
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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