Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
