Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
