but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
