So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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