I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
