I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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