Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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