Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize