her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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