Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
