dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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