wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
