careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
