Porn is love you can see.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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