so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
