My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
