Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
