nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
